So Freakin’ Loud!

So I got to work pretty early this morning for a 9 am call with my manager, Ellen. We’ve initiated an urgent and highly confidential campaign this week, so a very hectic discussion needed to be locked down and lined up for a top management presentation.

Now, as I'm talking to Ellen, half way through this conversation I stop in my tracks and realise something that's been pretty obvious to everyone else (for a while.)

I AM SOOO FREAKIN' LOUD!!!

No seriously, on any given day I am (if I want to be) the loudest person in any room.

But the thing is that I DON’T WANT TO BE LOUD. I'd like to be soft-spoken and calm and composed and all of those absolutely delightful things that one associates with a reasonably graceful woman, which as it turns out, I'm not.

So I got to thinking. If I have no desire to be a loud person, and yet somehow here I am, this ridiculously high-decibel adult-ish, could it be, that there is something wrong with my hearing? I mean, why else am I belting out these ultra-passionate discourses?

'Yup, that must be it!', I decided pretty quickly.

So I called Nikhil who gets pretty annoyed on hearing that I’d like to visit an ENT. You see, Nikhil’s been nagging me to have my allergies checked out by a physician for a few weeks now. So, the fact that I’d like to address this very superficial issue instead of getting into my ‘actual medical problems’ doesn’t really bode well with him.

To cut a long story long, he gave in eventually and called a doctor or some Practo person, and we (he) scheduled an appointment with an ENT to sort out the issue.

So, I walk into the doctor's office and I'm ushered in pretty quickly to meet this visibly arrogant ENT specialist who says, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'Doc, I’ve come to find out if I'm hard of hearing.'

'Okay... Have you experienced any pain or heard any fuzzy sounds?’

'No'

'Have you recently injured any part of your ear?'

'No'

'Then why do you feel like you're hard of hearing?'

'Because I'm very loud and I've realised this morning, it's probably because I’m deaf.’

The Doctor's stern face now breaks into this very amused smile as she tells me, ‘Okay…. <lingering on that 'okay' for far too long> Let's have you tested then'

She sends a metallic probe down my ear, nose and throat.

'Your ear is completely fine.'

I'm relieved, but at this point frantically looking to file away my very loud-person-problem in the science folder of things. Lest it become an actual personality flaw that I cannot fix with a pill.

The Doc then sends me up for an audiometry exam, which for the non-scientific community basically translates into 'Are you deaf?!'

Now, not to brag, but like most tests I've taken in my life, I passed this one too with flying colours. Scientifically speaking, my hearing is just fine. A solid A+ (if you will).

'So what's making me so damn loud Doc?'

The doctor indulges me some more.

'Business must be sloooww' I think as I continue to investigate the matter.

She puts on a set of headlamps and sends another probe up my nose.

'Hmmm.. your nose and throat are heavily congested. Do you have any allergies? Because that stuff needs to be checked out stat! It's even possible that this congestion could be the reason why your hearing feels a bit muffled.'

I imagined Nikhil's smug face and his victory speech, 'Should've gone to an allergy specialist like I asked you to.'

I've lost this round.

I get a 21 day long prescription for my allergies, and make a mental note to keep my volume down and also maybe… listen to my husband every once in a while.